16: Beach

The Twilight Twenty-Five

Prompt: #9/beach

Pen Name: Missus T
Pairing/Main Character(s): Edward/Bella
Rating: M

Fire and Rain Ch16

A/N: Kleenex. Get it. And maybe a cocktail. JS

000ooo000ooo Fire and Rain ooo000ooo000

I put off reading the damn letter for another week, but Charlie was right—I needed to know what it said if I had any hopes of getting on with my life.

On New Years Eve day I got up early and grabbed a blanket before driving to First Beach out by La Push. It was cold and the beach was deserted, thankfully it wasn’t raining. I walked until I came to the spot with the big rocks that Alice and I had found on one of our trips to the beach when she first arrived in Washington.

I climbed up on the rocks and put down the blanket to try to ward off some of the cold. I sat there for a while listening to the waves and watching the birds before I pulled the letter out. Just looking at my name on the envelope in Garrett’s sloppy handwriting made my chest hurt. I stared at my name for a second and took a deep breath before carefully tearing it open.

The envelope was standard business issue, but inside was one folded sheet of personalized stationery. My personalized made me laugh. Garrett could never find a piece of paper. He was forever writing notes to himself on napkins and receipts. I wondered if he had purposely chosen my paper, or if it had been all that he could find.

I brushed my fingers over the words on the page, trying to imagine him sitting at his desk writing to me. His hair would have been sticking up on one side and the end of the pen would have rested on his lip as he formed his thoughts. How many times had I watched him work on his dissertation? Watched him stare blankly out the window until he was suddenly inspired and pages of writing would flow from his fingers.

Finally, when I could put it off no more I devoured his words. As I read, tears streamed down my face. It was sweet and funny, while nostalgic and sad. He told me how much he loved me and how excited he was to start a family. Then he broke my heart by saying that he was sorry, because if I was reading his letter our future was impossible.

When I thought I couldn’t cry any harder, I read his encouragement for me to move on without him.

I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m writing this, why I have been thinking these crazy morbid thoughts since we got married. The truth is I’ve always been afraid of dying—afraid I would leave my family behind just like my father did. Losing him could have destroyed my mother, but it didn’t. She met Zar, and you know the rest. I am the man you know because of I was raised by my mother and her second husband.

Everything that happens in our lives is part of a larger journey, and you can’t get from point A to point B without experiencing everything in between. I don’t know what the future holds for you, but I know your trip isn’t over.

Ti amo, cara Bella. Sempre.

-Garrett

By the time I finished reading I was crying so hard I almost threw up. It was exactly what I needed to hear, but it still felt like a knife twisting in my heart. The letter was streaked with my tears, and my hands were shaking so much I could hardly hold onto the paper. I wiped my eyes and read it again, then carefully folded the page and tucked it back in the envelope.

Pulling my knees up I put my arms around them and stared at the water. I wasn’t sure what I thought reading the letter would accomplish. There was no immediate sense of closure, no warm fuzzy feeling that all would be well. What I felt was relief—like a weight had lifted. It wasn’t gone by any means, but it wasn’t sitting so squarely on my chest anymore.

In a nutshell Garrett had told me goodbye and good luck—to travel on and see where life took me. It was the same thing that I’d been hearing from Alice, Rose, Edward, Charlie, Carmen… everyone. I was pretty sure Jasper had told me ‘the show must go on’ at one point as well. But coming from Garrett the words meant something more.

It wasn’t permission to move on as much as a nudge, and a reminder to open my eyes to what was around me. Alice and Jasper’s romance proved that I had been oblivious to things that were right in front of me for months.

I wondered what else I had missed. While I had finally realized that Edward was as beautiful on the outside as he was on the inside, I had no idea what he thought of me. Did he simply feel sorry for me or had we become friends? I would have liked to think that we had, but I truly had no idea.

I sat on the rocks for as long as I could, letting the peace of the ocean surround me. The air was cold and waves were loud.

Eventually a family walking their dog walked past me, and the private bubble that I’d been in burst. My thoughts came back to the present. I didn’t have any plans until dinner, but I knew I should go home before Alice got too worried.

I was spending New Years at Peter and Charlotte’s with all of our friends. There was talk of a poker tournament and movies on their new flat screen. It sounded like a great distraction from all of the heavy thoughts that I couldn’t seem to escape.

I climbed off the rocks and shook out my blanket before folding it up and heading back to the car. I needed a long, hot shower and there was a cheesecake I needed to bake.

I’d never been one for resolutions, but this seemed like an important year to try. My goal for the year would be to look to the future with both eyes open.

000ooo000ooo Fire and Rain ooo000ooo000

A/N: Deep breaths. I warned you about this chapter. But now we’re on the up-swing. Even Bella is thinking positive – sort of. Hang in there kids.

Translation thanks to Google Translate
(If it’s wrong you can let me know. I’m cool with that. LOL)
Ti amo, cara Bella. Sempre.
I love you, dear Bella. Always.

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